Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 A Year in Review

To me the beginning of a new year tends to be around my birthday. A time I make new plans, resolutions, look back and take a general assessment of everything. But this one is a bit different.
A year ago my life changed, not in an overly dramatic way, but enough to cause me to sit back and say "Wow". Last year Maggie was in the ER, finally stable after a pericardial effusion scare, only to be faced with the word Cancer. What amazes me is that I wasn't scared, I didn't have that floor dropping feeling of dread, I was ready to face whatever this was to be. And Wow, what a journey it has been.
With a diagnosis of Lymphoma, incurable but treatable, a good chance of remission... we started on Chemotherapy for 5 months. Weekly Dr. visits and routines of medications, good days and bad days, became the pattern of Spring; But Maggie being the trooper she is, she taught me a lot about fighting, outlook, and how sometimes just taking a nap solves everything. I've discovered that my dog is my hero.
I found comfort though in that time, I had a direction, a goal, something that I still can't find a word for but I know I am looking for it. A purpose... On June 4 she was determined to be in clinical remission... and off we went to "live life" Now was time to check off that bucket list and just enjoy every moment, which we did, and have and a new saying I have is... Life is just too short...
But every day that passes, every hour, moment and such... well, soon we fell back into the routine of life and had to be reminded to enjoy it. But there were moments that reminded us. Our monthly Vet visits stretched into 2 months, to 3 months... with the promise that we send pictures, updates, and drop off cookies.
Mid Summer I accomplished a major goal... which was a bit like saying goodbye to an old friend. I paid off a long term debt that I have been carrying around for years and years. Waiting for someday to come when I would pay it off. About 5 years ago I got serious about paying it off. Along with a few unexpected expenses, figuring it all out, and getting used to it, buying a condo, quite a few car repairs and Maggie's Chemo expenses. I paid off that debt in a 4 year period. I still am paying on Maggie's expenses but that is okay, that is new debt... not one I have been putting off for years and years.
I have also done a lot of soul searching, or understanding really this year. I have learned quite a bit about myself and realized a lot about my family. I had thought when Maggie was diagnosed that they would be there for me. Everyone says "when it all comes down to it, it is family that is there for you" Yet, they weren't. Close family that is... some extended family was there, but then they don't live here. But it was with friends that I found my support group in, unexpected places. I realized that sometimes you have to accept that you can't count on those people and you have to lean on others, and as I have always known... you really are on this journey all alone, lean on God. It was hard to realize certain people are... well, people themselves and they have faults and shortcomings too. But boy how life changes when you realize and accept that and them for who and what they are. Also realize it is not really their fault but perhaps their parents, and their parents before them...
The fall came, I became more involved with the Ballet Studio and helped with Nutcracker Rehearsals, documenting everything, BOY was that a project. It has been a special dream come true. I don't have the confidence to teach, I didn't have the confidence to dance, BUT I have special dear friends who have allowed me to be a part of their school and live out my dreams. To help them out and be a part of the rehearsals, performances, and to watch these young girls dream and follow along the path I once went, I only hope I can encourage them to be more, and do more, and perhaps have the confidence to try, and find the love of Ballet that I have.
This year had a lot of fun moments, moments of recreating friendships that I had lost, or not really had. With the 25th reunion of High School and Facebook connections, it was time to actually meet with these people to really for those friendships that we have formed online with out all the teenage issues involved. I have had a great time reuniting with people I have known for years but just now have found things in common with. I have gotten back in touch with childhood friends. Realizing a bit that those are your true friends, they know you "back then" when you were who you really are, they accepted you then and now, and you are true friends.
So now this Christmas, Holiday, New Year season I find myself being a bit reflective and looking back on my year and realizing, I did a lot of growing, I went through a lot, I have handled a lot... and well I think I have done a great job, come out on the top side and am really excited for 2014. As the groundwork has been laid for an even greater year this year. Sadly I know this might be the year I have to say goodbye to Miss Maggie, but I do know that until that time we shall just take every moment that comes and enjoy it. Perhaps that is what New Year's Is All about Charlie Brown....