Life is a journey. Two roads diverged in the wood, and I took the one less traveled. I take solace in these statements and the many more that talk about how the trials and tribulations make the journey worth more than the end. All of those moments have given me faith.
Faith - belief that it will happen, it will work out, it will be what is to be. For some reason that still is not fully revealed to me and I can not explain, I have faith. I have that gut feeling that it will be alright, it will work out, and yet when, perhaps, it does not work out the way it is suppose to be, I have faith that it is working out this way because this is the way it should be. I have had to develop this in my life for life goes on even when you just want it to stop.
IF everything worked out the way I wanted it, I would be a Veterinarian, I would be a Doctor, I would have graduated the top of my class, I would be a Prima Ballerina, I would be married with 5 kids. I would be living on my farm with my dogs, my horses, cows, a few pigs, and chickens. It would all be the way I planned it in kindergarten.
YET, it is not a straight line from here to there. There are right turns, left turns, bends in the road and perhaps a mountain or two and a cliff I've walked away from once or twice. Some of these I have taken on my own accord and some of these were not of my choosing. But I have discovered over time and my long years that I am just where I am suppose to be in life. All those twist and turns in the road, the brick walls and creeks to ford, have brought me to be the person I am. Someone who still believes somehow, someway, it will work out the way I dreamed it would be.
That all being said the past few weeks I have been on a roller coaster, Miss Maggie got sick Christmas Day night, she went to the Vet ER and recovered rather well, quickly and very positively. Only we had the diagnosis of Cancer. Lymphoma to be specific, and yet also general as there is no specific tumor or location, she just has cancer. Now see earlier last year we were working on her skin condition, finally getting that under control on long term prednisone, which has it's share of side affects that occur with long term use (long term meaning 3-5 years, we shall be lucky for that amount of time). There were lumps, bumps that occured, but we would address them later, turns out later is now. No, we haven't tested them, but then who really cares apparently something is cancerous and well we are treating it. I might be crazy, overly hopeful, but well I feel she deserves a chance. On basic prednisone she has a few months at best. On another treatment that is not very effective to this type of cancer she has 6 months and quite a few of them sick. On Chemo she has a shot for remission for 10-15 months. I know not a whole lot... but well it is alot longer than a few months. We shall see how it goes, how she tolerates it, how much pain she is in.... for it is all about her, not me (even though I am not ready to let go just yet either). I might be crazy, I think I am, but there is farther along this path in the woods that Maggie and I am to travel, there is something more that we are to learn, to do, to find. And just a few more tennis balls that need to be collected just yet.
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