Everything is fine. In the grand scheme of the world, yes it is.
But is it really fine, all the time? Does it have to be a constant steady state? Or is it allowed to involve the ups & downs, highs & lows? For truly only then can the average be "fine".
If it is always just fine wouldn't there be a loss of value? Times that are "really wonderful" would not be as appreciated as there would not be a contrasting "really terrible" to weigh it against. I associate this with living at the equator, which I have not done and if I did I wouldn't lose the value of it I am sure. When one is at the equator there is consistency, the weather is often the same, a balmy 83deg, low humidity. Sunlight and darkness are of equal length, the seasons are the same. While I can fully appreciate that and make full use of it, I can only do this having lived a bit north of the equator for some time, and even visiting south. Would I be out on a 73 deg day in March walking the dog just because it is warm? Or would I put it off and say, "there is tomorrow". But I didn't, I went out there and walked and saw the Dizzy Daffodils along the way.
So while I love my warm weather and wish away the cold dreary winter for the hot, sweltering days of July. I know that the ice age will not last forever, we will not be trapped in the "snowmageddon" of 2010 for months on end. Soon I will be melting in the 90+ deg with 90%+ humidity. I will savor sitting on the deck on a 65 deg night eating ice cream in March. I will take the time to walk slowly through the Cherry Blossoms, and be thankful for all the pollen when I forget the allergy medication. Because I know that tomorrow just might bring 6 inches of snow and -15 deg for we have had snow at Easter before.
Okay that being said..... NO, all is NOT fine! I have tried to find my positivity, to find the happiness, to find some uplifting, inspiring, words of wisdom to pass on to you. But this is my blog and therefore my life. I am on a down trip right now, a bit cranky one would say, I am trying to find the time to just wallow in my self pity and yet the real world, your reality, your "fine"-ness keeps creeping in. And I feel..... well.... fine.
I was brought up to always say "everything is great", when asked how I was doing. I was brought up that no one likes being around a cranky pants. I was brought up that even when the world is falling apart you are not to let anybody else know. What that led me to believe was that my feelings didn't matter, that what was important to me was really not that important. I have been fighting with this for the past week or so. What to say, what to write, try to make it happy, try to make others feel better. Well I don't feel happy, and I don't want too, why can't I just say "not so well". I would love to say "do you have 2 hours to sit and listen, do you really want to know?" Now all of that being said, I am now having a hard time keeping my cranky mood and by the end of this, yes everything will be fine.
I was trying to figure out how to say what is going on, in an interesting analogous way. All I could come up with was that I am driving through Nebraska right now. Now I have not been to Nebraska yet, and I am sure there are many wonderful places, but I imagine it as flat and the highways straight. Right now I am on the flat, straight, long highway stretching off into the distance, with fields of grain, and cows never ending. I am on the path of the same thing day after day, no hills, no valleys, and yet this is a great place to be. Every day brings you closer, every mile, every step brings you closer to the end, the goal, to change. So I should embrace the long, unending highway of Nebraska and not ask for the mountains of the Rockies.
Why as a World are we so afraid to sit & listen to others? Why do we feel we even need to ask people how they are when we really don't want to know. I think this is what really gets to me. I can't give voice to the emotions, I have to just smooth them over, I can't fully feel or express them to anyone, and that is a bit lonely. I have to do the acceptable thing and say "I am fine and how about you?" when I really don't care to know, and yet I am constantly faced with "how are you?"
During all this there is the craziness of Miss Maggie sitting on the other side of coffee table being totally put out since her cousin Chi is sitting next too me. This being so causes Maggie to slowly crawl under the table and push Chi out of the way, taking 20 minutes for this to happen. Chi, knowing that Maggie is the alpha dog relinquishes her place next to me and Maggie wiggles on over to lay upside down on my feet, as if she was there all along. This whole event brings a smile to my face and reminds me that yes... it is more than just "fine"... over all it is pretty darn wonderful.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Journeys...
21 Days make a habit, I think by that time you either keep it going or you give up, that 4th week is a challenge to see if it stays or goes. This is the 4th week of my Blog, and I am not sure if it stays or goes. It will stay, I want to keep this, especially with all the wonderful, positive support from everyone. But I have had a tough time this past week finding inspiration. Then it all came together at the last minute and ideas started to flow.
I was thinking on journeys through life and journeys that one starts for a particular reason but ends up discovering another along the way. How simple projects can lead you down intresting pathways and find new meanings, a new purpose. As in the story "Eat, Pray, Love" where after a divorce Liz travels to experience life in the aspect of each fully. To find a purpose, direction, meaning in life. The story of "Julia & Julie" where Julie decides to spice up her life by cooking her way through Julia Child's cookbook, which she then blogs about it. Each of these brought about revelations in each of their lives, a new perspective.
Humm, ideas there? Some, but I am not ready to take on a project such as that yet. But what would I do? Maybe travel to each State. Work on a project I did start years ago when driving across country of taking a picture of each "Welcome to... " state sign. If I could find someone to fund this adventure, it would make a great movie. Maybe follow the "Run to the Roses" trail of 3 year old's in prep races up to the Kentucky Derby, and on to the "Race for the Triple Crown". If you have a couple thousand for me to spend just let me know.
The fact of it all really is that life is a journey, and there are many experiences that you make into your own journey, and I have had many along the way.
One trait that seems to follow through all of these experiences is determination, sticking to it, following through. There are many times I have wanted to throw in the towel, but I can't I just have to finish it out. I have had "trials & tribulations" that I had to get through that were a matter of just getting through it. Later though, in looking back I have discovered lessons I have learned, traits I have developed, and a lot of Character that was built.
Maybe I have not experienced life to the fullest, maybe I am not the most successful, but I have found self-confidence in many aspects of my life, and as you will find out over the course of this "project" I am who I am. No, I don't think a movie will be made, or a reality TV show. Perhaps a best seller book though.... Most of all the real theme is that of Self-Confidence. That is really what I have been searching for and the revelation I have had. It took me 40 years to figure out what many do in High School, but well that is what makes me, ME!
I was thinking on journeys through life and journeys that one starts for a particular reason but ends up discovering another along the way. How simple projects can lead you down intresting pathways and find new meanings, a new purpose. As in the story "Eat, Pray, Love" where after a divorce Liz travels to experience life in the aspect of each fully. To find a purpose, direction, meaning in life. The story of "Julia & Julie" where Julie decides to spice up her life by cooking her way through Julia Child's cookbook, which she then blogs about it. Each of these brought about revelations in each of their lives, a new perspective.
Humm, ideas there? Some, but I am not ready to take on a project such as that yet. But what would I do? Maybe travel to each State. Work on a project I did start years ago when driving across country of taking a picture of each "Welcome to... " state sign. If I could find someone to fund this adventure, it would make a great movie. Maybe follow the "Run to the Roses" trail of 3 year old's in prep races up to the Kentucky Derby, and on to the "Race for the Triple Crown". If you have a couple thousand for me to spend just let me know.
The fact of it all really is that life is a journey, and there are many experiences that you make into your own journey, and I have had many along the way.
One trait that seems to follow through all of these experiences is determination, sticking to it, following through. There are many times I have wanted to throw in the towel, but I can't I just have to finish it out. I have had "trials & tribulations" that I had to get through that were a matter of just getting through it. Later though, in looking back I have discovered lessons I have learned, traits I have developed, and a lot of Character that was built.
Maybe I have not experienced life to the fullest, maybe I am not the most successful, but I have found self-confidence in many aspects of my life, and as you will find out over the course of this "project" I am who I am. No, I don't think a movie will be made, or a reality TV show. Perhaps a best seller book though.... Most of all the real theme is that of Self-Confidence. That is really what I have been searching for and the revelation I have had. It took me 40 years to figure out what many do in High School, but well that is what makes me, ME!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Pure Joy
I am still amazed at the joy on Miss Maggie's face when she is off and running. I can tell she is putting in 110% and enjoying it 110%. It reminds me of kids running outside for recess at school, or heading to the pool. She finds the simple joy in running free off leash, the same way many people feel when going to Disney Land for the first time.
I imagine that she is thinking... "Let me take off and run full speed down the hill" and then looking back and seeing me "Oh look, there you are, it is you" and she takes of running towards me at full speed.
I can see it in her eyes that pure joy. I used to see this often when she would run on the beach in the waves, now we have to find it when we can in the few places that we know of. But with the "longer hours" I see it more.
I wish I could be in places that I can express that full joy. I have learned to embrace moments, to make them last and encourage more. But you really can't just take off running with your jacket over your head, arms outstretched and pretending you are an airplane. It just isn't done as an adult.
I have gone out in the cold, the rain, when I am tired and worn out. I have dragged myself off to places that she can feel that freedom, and I in return feel it too. I have found that I can feel this freedom more often and need to make it a priority in my life. I have spent days off at the pool, or eating Popsicles or Ice Cream, sitting in the sun and just listening to the birds on warm summer days. Listening to the frogs and crickets on a warm summers evening and watching the rain pour down in a thunderstorm. I have closed the computer, left the phone out of hearing, and just put away all the distractions of the day to just be there. I only wish these moments would last just a bit longer.
I imagine that she is thinking... "Let me take off and run full speed down the hill" and then looking back and seeing me "Oh look, there you are, it is you" and she takes of running towards me at full speed.
I can see it in her eyes that pure joy. I used to see this often when she would run on the beach in the waves, now we have to find it when we can in the few places that we know of. But with the "longer hours" I see it more.
I wish I could be in places that I can express that full joy. I have learned to embrace moments, to make them last and encourage more. But you really can't just take off running with your jacket over your head, arms outstretched and pretending you are an airplane. It just isn't done as an adult.
I have gone out in the cold, the rain, when I am tired and worn out. I have dragged myself off to places that she can feel that freedom, and I in return feel it too. I have found that I can feel this freedom more often and need to make it a priority in my life. I have spent days off at the pool, or eating Popsicles or Ice Cream, sitting in the sun and just listening to the birds on warm summer days. Listening to the frogs and crickets on a warm summers evening and watching the rain pour down in a thunderstorm. I have closed the computer, left the phone out of hearing, and just put away all the distractions of the day to just be there. I only wish these moments would last just a bit longer.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Dizzy Daffodils on the Hillside
Daffodils in March? Thunderstorms too? Perhaps we shall have to change the rhyme of April Showers, bring May Flowers... It is rather wonderful to be out for a walk with the dog on a 70 deg day in early March.
The sun was shining, the birds chirping, the trees were still bare, the ground covered in the dried, dead, brown leaves of winter. But there in the midst of it all was a backyard full of Daffodils. A bright field of sunshine yellow in the brown, drab woods of winter.
Farther down the path I travelled and there in the middle of the woods was this small, individual clump of daffodils in the middle of the woods and I wondered how did it get there. What is the story of that small clump of Daffodils? Were they washed down the hills during the rains? Was there a great flood that brought them there? Being that bulbs need to be planted about 4 inches in the ground was this some squirrel that decided to go in to landscaping, or a random act of kindness in the middle of the night? Perchance this little spot of sunshine was placed there by the mischievous Brownies I learned of in the Girl Scouts.
Are they Narcissus? Do they need to be first, the ones to be the brightest in the dullest times? Do they need to stand out and say "Hey, look at me!" with their bright yellow color. Do they realize that they are in the "wrong" place. Do any of us realize we are in the wrong place at times? Perhaps we can learn from the Daffodils that when life sends us in to the forests, through the long brown winter that when it is our spring, our time we should stand tall and proud and shine like the sun.
I like to believe that one night a stranger wandered through the woods with a shovel and bag of bulbs, planting little packets of surprise in the middle of the night. This stranger placed flower bulbs in unusual places then covered back up the ground as if he was never there. Only to have this ray of hope, inspiration & beauty to appear after the stranger is long gone. It is an act of kindness, selflessness, a way of creating beauty for others.
What ever the reason, however they got there that lonely, little clump of Daffodils brought a smile to my face and warmth in my heart. Maybe there is a force out there greater than ourselves that is working miracles. It got me thinking of the wonders of nature, of how everything in this world can not be simply explained and understood. You have to leave a little room for magic and just believe.
The sun was shining, the birds chirping, the trees were still bare, the ground covered in the dried, dead, brown leaves of winter. But there in the midst of it all was a backyard full of Daffodils. A bright field of sunshine yellow in the brown, drab woods of winter.
Farther down the path I travelled and there in the middle of the woods was this small, individual clump of daffodils in the middle of the woods and I wondered how did it get there. What is the story of that small clump of Daffodils? Were they washed down the hills during the rains? Was there a great flood that brought them there? Being that bulbs need to be planted about 4 inches in the ground was this some squirrel that decided to go in to landscaping, or a random act of kindness in the middle of the night? Perchance this little spot of sunshine was placed there by the mischievous Brownies I learned of in the Girl Scouts.
Are they Narcissus? Do they need to be first, the ones to be the brightest in the dullest times? Do they need to stand out and say "Hey, look at me!" with their bright yellow color. Do they realize that they are in the "wrong" place. Do any of us realize we are in the wrong place at times? Perhaps we can learn from the Daffodils that when life sends us in to the forests, through the long brown winter that when it is our spring, our time we should stand tall and proud and shine like the sun.
I like to believe that one night a stranger wandered through the woods with a shovel and bag of bulbs, planting little packets of surprise in the middle of the night. This stranger placed flower bulbs in unusual places then covered back up the ground as if he was never there. Only to have this ray of hope, inspiration & beauty to appear after the stranger is long gone. It is an act of kindness, selflessness, a way of creating beauty for others.
What ever the reason, however they got there that lonely, little clump of Daffodils brought a smile to my face and warmth in my heart. Maybe there is a force out there greater than ourselves that is working miracles. It got me thinking of the wonders of nature, of how everything in this world can not be simply explained and understood. You have to leave a little room for magic and just believe.
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