Words Hurt....

It is the people that are closest to us that hurt us the most, and yet they are also the people that are also the furthest from us. I am trying to be strong, to not let it hurt me. Perhaps they didn't mean what they said, perhaps they don't realize, perhaps they don't know. But it is those that are not suppose to hurt us that do hurt us the most with their words, unknowingly.

Each of us have memories of our childhoods, our lives, these memories form our perception of the way life is, our interpretation. 5 people can go through the exact same situation and have 5 totally different stories to tell about it. But no matter what, this is what makes us into the person we are, formulates our personality, our lives, and we are the ones that have to live our lives.I am trying to remember this at the moment, but still it doesn't make the harsh words hurt any less. 

To lay it all out, my sister and I do not get along, we do not understand each other, or more correctly I do not understand her, and often it is the words from family members that hurt the most. I try to believe that she does not realize this, that she does not understand how what she says hurts me so much. Since my family really never communicated and talked about our feelings how could she know that her random Facebook posts about how she loves being a mother, really hurt me, as I am not a mother. Or how does she understand that her emails back are often hurtful.

So between the tears and pain, I am trying not to read between the lines, and taking it for what it is. For I am sure that I have done the same to them.

Still it is the people that are closest to us that hurt us the most. I am trying to understand why, and accepting that I may never know. I wish that we all could be more sensitive to others, to their pains and hurts, to understand why they do not fully feel empowered, or understand how we can empower them. 

All in all it doesn't really matter, for we hurt, we cry, we morn, we sleep and awake the next day to reach out again and try again, hoping this time will be different. Just knowing one day we will understand it all.

But in the wake of it all, it is the support and kindness of others that boost me up. I reach out on Facebook myself and find "friends" that reach out, pull me up, hold me up, and let me know that once, for a time I was an important, positive part of their lives, that I have affected them, that I made a difference, and that I do matter. And for all of that I am forever grateful, for is those moments that keep me going, help me to wake up each day and try again, reminding me that I do matter, and for that reason alone I keep going on. I love all of you. Thank you.